Another Option for the Elevator: Letting Go

As a follow up to Stop Pushing My Buttons, I talked about out how to deal with our own feelings instead of dumping them on other people here.  Today, I want to talk about how to just let go.  I don’t want to imply that we shouldn’t process our own feelings.  I listed several consequences of not doing that and pushing them back down into the basement.  You have to learn this skill first.

But once you learn how to do this, then you can learn how to “let it go”.

What does that mean?

It means that we make a conscious decision to override the mind.  Our mind will tell us why we need to “fix it”.  This usually involves getting another person to change.  Our mind clings to this because we know we are right!

But herein lies the problem!  It doesn’t really matter how right we are.  If I need someone else to change (stop pushing my buttons) so that I can feel better, or find peace, then I am going to suffer.

Because I can’t control other people.  Even if I’m quite skilled at getting other people to do or say things, I am always going to run into a problem if other people’s behavior impacts me strongly.

So I have to look to the one and only area where I do have any control and that is inside of me.

Here’s a recent example.  I won’t go into the details, but let’s just say that someone I care about had an overreaction to something I said.  This person verbally attacked me in a very strong way.

I was shocked and hurt.  I noticed that my mind obsessed on it for days and days.  I wanted this other person to acknowledge how wrong they were. That never happened.  I wanted to forgive them, but I couldn’t understand how I could forgive someone when they did not apologize.

And then I listened to Michael Singer’s audio course on The Untethered Soul and there it was.

THE CAUSE OF ALL SUFFERING IS MIND

Our mind is focused on how to get what we want and how to avoid getting what we don’t want.  Our job is to release it, let go.  We must learn to let go of the demands of our mind and be the observer or witness.  Because we are NOT our ego mind.  We are the consciousness that can observe it. The better we get at observing and not being driven by the demands of our mind, the less it will demand!

Our mind will actually quiet down and stop driving us crazy, the more we observe it and not obey it.  Doesn’t that sound more peaceful?

So, I’ve been practicing letting go of every thought I have about this person or the interaction we had. It did not happen instantly, but I am now feeling so much more peaceful.

A friend asked me, “doesn’t that mean that they got away with it if you just let it go?”

I don’t see it that way at all.  I guess it depends on what you mean by got away with it.  I mean it did happen.  So does that mean s/he got away with it?  I think that the term refers to the idea that there was no consequence to the other person.  But is that true?  Is that my business?  If the tables were turned, I don’t think I would walk away believing I got away with something.

As long as I need the other person to do something (apologize, admit they were wrong, etc), I am not free and I will suffer.

But if I decide to let it go, I can be free of suffering.

I’d like to add one clarification here.  If this person consistently treated me poorly, I would probably decide to limit my connection to them.  But this was an isolated incident.

To summarize, here is my definition of letting it go:

I make a decision to stop thinking about it.

My mind will make many more attempts to get me to analyze it, obsess over it, talk to others about and debate whether I had done something wrong. And each time, I say no thank you.  I’m choosing to let it go for my benefit.

What do you need to let go of?