This post is really geared toward women who are ready to find the love of their life. It doesn’t really matter if you want to get married, live together or just hang out for many years to come. The steps necessary to create the space inside of your heart are the same.
Last week, I talked about your Love Radar and I told you that the first step to program your radar away from repeating the old patterns or locking on it’s detection signals to Mr. Wrong (or to no-one) is to identify what current sub programs are running. This is important because these subprograms send out the detection signals.
Today I want to focus on things that take up emotional space inside our hearts that can really interfere with the signals. The two categories I want you to look at are past losses and old rules.
First, let’s take a look at past losses. Why is this important? Because if you haven’t properly grieved them, then the energy is still taking up space that could be used for attracting love. Think about it like your favorite bookshelf. It’s a beautiful piece that fits so nicely in your home, but it only has enough room on the shelves for a certain number of things. If you have it filled with old things that don’t bring you joy anymore, then you can’t bring in new things that delight you. Our hearts only have so much space inside of them.
If someone you loved has died, you probably always want to keep some room on that shelf for their picture, right? But if you haven’t completed your grief work and really allowed the feelings fully, they may be taking up an entire shelf.
The same thing applies to a loss where the person betrayed you. You may not want to keep their picture, but if you haven’t cleared out the space that your anger, resentment and betrayal are taking up, then you don’t have room for new love!
And the space taken up inside our hearts can be related to many forms of loss of love. I’ve worked with a client who never really grieved the loss of her best friend when her family moved across the country at age 12 (before Face Time and texting). She had a lot of grief she had never acknowledged or allowed. Another client lost a sibling when she was 16. All of these big feelings take up big spaces in our heart.
I’m going to provide you with a worksheet on grieving old losses and next week I’m going to devote this entire space to clearing out resentment.
The second thing I want you to look at today are old rules.
These “rules” are things we tell ourselves, or someone tells us, at a time that they make sense. But holding on to them can program our unconscious in ways were aren’t even aware of. These are the most damaging beliefs because we aren’t even aware they are creating those subprograms. Here are a few examples:
- I don’t need a man (or other), I’m fine on my own! While this may serve you well during single times, and while it is also true that you don’t NEED a man or anyone to complete you or make you happy, if you have this programmed as a belief in your mind, it could backfire. A better belief might be: I don’t need a man but I want a loving partner. Don’t be afraid to desire a spouse or partner. Tune out messages on social media or from your friends and let your heart fully desire finding the love of your life. There is nothing weak or needy about this desire if it comes from a healthy place of I am enough.
- I don’t ever make the first move with a man. I’m pretty old fashioned and I wanted to be pursued by my now-husband. In general, I like the idea of a woman leaning back and letting the man be the pursuer. But rules are meant to be broken! I know of so many great love stories where the couple would not be together if she had not been the one to ask him our first. Don’t let an opportunity slip by on this “rule”.
- I don’t date men under (or over) a certain height. And how does that have anything to do with his character? I get it. If you’re really tall, you may feel uncomfortable being with a man who is 5 inches shorter than you. Get over it! You may be missing out on so many wonderful men. Every thought you have about how it looks or feels comes from your mind. Change your thoughts to focus on more important things.
- You will know that he’s the one. Sometimes. Sometimes not. There are situations where it really takes time. Don’t give up on someone too quickly because you have some doubts. First, write down your thoughts about your doubts and make sure they are good thoughts that you feel good about believing. Everyone has a past and no one is perfect. Are you?
- I need to be in control. There are many paths that lead to this rule or belief. It usually has to do with experiencing some condition earlier in your life that felt pretty out of control. The most common comes from the home you grew up. Remember that when you are a child, you experience your environment and caretakers from the mindset of a very undeveloped mind. A mind that can’t comprehend cause and effect or other people’s intentions. You just take in how it feels at that moment. So if your parents argued constantly or there was other chaos in your family growing up, that can feel pretty out of control. But this rule will really get in the way of your Love Radar.
There are so many more examples of these old rules that guide our detection systems. Please click the COMMENTS button near the title and share some of your examples!
