Please refer to Part One and Part Two to get on board with my Love Radar concept before reading today’s blog. We’ve covered what your Love Radar is, how it works to identify and attract the right partner, and why you’ve attracted the wrong partners in the past. In Part Two, I taught you how to begin writing better programs for your Love Radar by creating better thoughts about yourself and relationships and love partners.
Today, I want to talk about how to practice living your “better thoughts”.
Sticking with one of our examples from Jackie, she struggled with the belief, “I am not good enough”. The better thought that she created was, “There are so many ways that I am enough”. This thought felt good to her and she believed it. The challenge comes when our mind goes back to that old thought (I am not good enough) which will still get triggered when you face certain circumstances.
So for Jackie, it would come up around her weight. She’d be getting ready to go out and look in the mirror and notice her flaws and her thoughts we go right back to “not good enough” thoughts. You see, this work does not surgically remove old, painful thoughts. The way it works is that by practicing new thoughts that we believe AND feel better, we start to strengthen the new neural pathways and the old ones will weaken the less we use them. So the thought will still show up; your job is to not engage with it. Do not give it any energy. Just notice it, observe it. Say something to yourself like,
“Isn’t it interesting that I have that thought”.
Say something neutral about the thought. Don’t fight it or resist it. Just notice it and immediately move on to the better thought!
So here’s what it looks like for Jackie:
- look in the mirror while getting dressed and noticing appearance
- notice the thought, “my hips are so huge, I look terrible, no man would want to date me”
- neutralize the thought by telling herself, “Hmm, I notice that critical thought but it doesn’t mean anything” because (and here’s the most important part)
- Immediately pivot to her better thought, “There are so many ways that I am enough”, and
- Actively engage with that thought. She continues the conversation with herself (after all, our thoughts are basically conversations with ourselves) by saying, “I appreciate my beautiful eyes, I know that when I smile, it draws people to me, I love my sharp mind and how I love to banter with men…..”
This is how we give life to the new, better thoughts. It’s not enough to just say it a few times. We have to “live it”. The old thoughts don’t just disappear, but we disempower them by just observing them, reminding ourselves that they are not Total Truth, but just bad habits we learned, and then we practice the new thought by engaging with it and finding more and more evidence for it.
The more you do this, the stronger the new thought becomes, the stronger it programs your Love Radar, and pretty soon you are attracting love partners that are in alignment with your worth, and not from your old programming.
Please share your examples of how you’re changing your Love Radar. I’d be happy to guide you with some better thoughts if you post examples of current programming where you’re stuck.
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