I don’t know about you, but I want to experience love now. Right here in this moment. Not next week or last week.
So if that’s true, then why does it matter what someone else did last week? Why do we gauge our love based on measures of the past? Or how we think something will be in the future. Comments I hear:
I can’t love someone today because I was hurt before
I can’t love someone now because of how they might make me feel in the future
It’s all about trying to keep ourselves safe. Keeping a sense of control. Well guess what? That’s not love!
And guess what again? If staying safe means never getting hurt, well that’s not possible! Nor is it possible to be ‘in control’. You are fooling yourself if you think you can do either one.
So if you can’t live without getting hurt or staying in control, then why are you not loving right this minute?
There is so much to love in addition to each other. Start with non-people Right now, you can love your pet, you can love nature, the smell of fresh baked bread, a warm, cozy bed on a cold night, great wine…. Make a list right now of all the things you can love if you pay attention. Then pay attention to these things. The more you feel that love in the present moment, the more you will create love in your interpersonal relationships. It just works that way.
The only thing stopping you from loving is fear. So start with what feels easy to love and work your way forward to what feels scary with small steps. But don’t wait. Do it now. Because love is the strongest force in the Universe (check out The Power).
I want to go back to love in our relationships for a minute. Again, the only thing stopping you is fear. And what is the worst thing that could happen? Someone might reject you? But even if they do, you still got to have the experience of loving. No one can take that away from you! Except you. You can be too afraid.
Do one little experiment for me:
Close your eyes, take 3 slow deep breaths and imagine someone you really love in a moment that feels amazing. Stay there for a minute or two and take in the detail, but really notice how you FEEL.
Next, close your eyes and again and take 3 slow deep breaths and see yourself thinking about moving toward someone that you want to love you but you are unsure if they will love you back. So you just sit and think about it and maybe decide it’s too risky. So you decide to stay safe and stay by yourself and just shut down that desire to love. Now really notice how you FEEL.
Each time you chose feeling ‘safe’ and not loving, you give up the opportunity to feel as you did in the first visualization. The strongest message I am trying to convey is that you have the ability to create that feeling in you by choosing to love, regardless of how others respond.
In closing, I just read Martha Beck’s ‘quote of the day’ for today and thought it was apropos:
When fear makes your choices for you, no security measures on earth will keep the things you dread from finding you. But if you can avoid avoidance – if you can choose to embrace experiences out of passion, enthusiasm, and a readiness to feel whatever arises – then nothing, nothing in all this dangerous world, can keep you from feeling safe.—Martha Beck, O Magazine- February, 2006
