More Relationship Choices

In my last blog, I published a list of ways we fail to know ourselves that impact our relationship choices.  The next one I want to explore is

• Denying what is before your eyes

Who hasn’t employed a little denial in their relationships?  Sometimes a small, healthy dose of not looking at reality is helpful in accepting our partner for who they are.  By pushing away from our conscious attention those things that might be annoying, we are focusing on the positive aspects we love about the person.  But the big difference in that scenario is choice.  We are aware of the things we choose not to focus on.

But denial is a way of staying unconscious about these things.  For example, if I value honesty and I see my partner cheating people in business, do I notice this?  Am I honest with myself?  Or do I make excuses internally?  What are some reasons a person might chose to deny what is in front of them?  Here are some examples from my clients and my life:

This person has other qualities that I really value

I am already invested in this relationship

I am in love

It’s not that bad

I think that each of these statements have an underlying second part….”and I am afraid that I won’t be able to find someone else to love me that does not do that”.

So we close our eyes and move forward and guess what?  The day always arrives when that comes back to bite us in the butt!  Now my partner is being dishonest with me.

Ending a relationship can be difficult.  But not denying what is before our eyes early in the relationship will save a lot of heartache down the road.