Some women seem to have a terminal fear of being seen as ‘the bad guy’ so they say yes when they really mean no. Why is it scary for these women to say no?
Because you might feel bad if I do.
Because I might disappoint you.
Because you might not like me.
Because you might get angry.
When you react from this place, you are denying who you are. You are shutting yourself down to please others. So when others approve of you and ‘like you’, who are they really liking? Is it really you? Or is it your presentation of what you think they want you to be?
But aren’t we supposed to take care of others and help others? Isn’t it selfish of me to say no? My rule of thumb is that I can take care of you or help you when it doesn’t hurt me. When it hurts me, it is time to say no.
When it comes to relationships with men, women sometimes fear that if I say no, he will get angry. If I tell him how I really feel, he won’t like it (or won’t love me). But going back to the material from last month on Masculine and Feminine Energy, we learn that a man feels safe and trusts a woman MORE when she says no and expresses her true feelings because he knows she is being authentic. He can tell when she is expressing her true feelings. The more he experiences her being authentic, the more he knows he can trust her. And that builds closeness in the relationship.
So saying no can actually result in the opposite of what you are afraid of.
Which reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by Byron Katie, “Sometimes saying no to you is yes to me”.
