The Magic Button

In my yoga class today, the instructor asked us what we would do if we were told that we could press a button and instantly get anything we wanted.  He said that the most common answer he receives from people is that they want freedom.  So I started having this picture in my head that Martha Beck describes in her book Steering by Starlight of two inmates staring through the bars of a prison window.  They fail to notice that there are no walls on the prison, yet they are holding bars to their own faces with their own hands.  Of course, this cartoon depicts the idea that we create our own sense of imprisonment in our minds by what we believe.  People say they are ‘trapped’ in a job or marriage.  The two most common terms that will tell you that you are creating your own prison are:

I have to

&

I can’t

We probably all use these frequently.  But next time you use it, ask yourself where your choices are.  I have to go to my mother-in-law’s for Thanksgiving….  But do you really have to?  Aren’t you choosing to go over the alternative of upsetting your spouse, or whatever you perceive to be the consequences of not going?  Will you be struck dead if you don’t go?  Then you don’t have to.  Doesn’t it feel more empowering to view things as a choice, instead of as a victim?

When I first thought about wanting to be a coach, I was trapped in the belief that I can’t because it takes a lot of money to get training and then start a practice, and I have to stay at a job with a paycheck because I am a single mom.  But then I thought about those two statements as representing the prison bars that I am holding up, even though there may be no walls.  So I tried an experiment.  What would happen if I temporarily put those two thoughts aside, as if they didn’t exist?  It was SO POWERFUL to feel so clearly that this is what I want to do.  This is my next step!  And then I remembered from some past experiences that when my essential self speaks to me and I listen, I don’t have to worry about the how.  It will show itself.  And now here I am, a Certified Martha Beck Coach!

So where in your life do you believe that you aren’t free?  Are you holding up any prison bars with no solid walls?  Are you saying I can’t and I have to?  Are you missing something your essential self is trying to tell you?  Post your comments and we can explore!