YOUR LOVE RADAR

I’ve used this term in some of my blog posts and I wanted to devote a separate space to this concept because I’m going to use it more in coming weeks as I teach you about how to create the kind of relationship you really long for.

If you are single, it is crucial that you learn about your Love Radar because it is the mechanism that tunes you into another person’s frequency and creates attraction.  So you should not even think about finding a partner if you haven’t tuned your Love Radar to attract and create a healthy relationship.  You see, your Love Radar is responsible for all of the past relationship choices you’ve made. And, unless you like the direction it’s been pointing you in, you need to reset it and tune it.

If you’re married or in a relationship, you can still make considerable changes to the quality of that relationship by resetting your Love Radar.

First, let me define your Love Radar in more detail.  As you know, a general description of a radar is something that detects “objects” by sending out a signal (high-frequency electromagnetic waves) that gets reflected back to the sender.  So, your Love Radar is the coded signal that gets sent out from you, bounces off the “object” and returns to you.  So it’s a two-way process, but the coding is all from you regarding detection.  In other words, your radar will detect an object/potential partner based on the coding of your radar.  Even if Mr. or Mrs. Awesome is next to you in line at the grocery store, your radar won’t detect him/her if the coding of your signal is programmed for Mr. or Mrs. Wrong.*

So clearly, you want to do whatever to you can to program your radar away from repeating old patterns or detecting Mr. Slimeball, and towards detecting Mr. RightForYou.

Here are the steps to do this:

1. Identify the current programs.  This step is really critical because if you don’t correctly identify the subprograms that are sending out detection signals, you can’t correct your Love Radar.  If you’ve been following me for any amount of time, you probably know that the current programs are your thoughts and beliefs about yourself and your target.  In my last post, I offered a free worksheet you can use to help you detect some potential “hidden beliefs” that may lie under the surface. 

Here are some examples of current programs:

I don’t think I’m good enough to attract a great partner so I’ll settle for mediocre

I don’t believe in my own worth so I’ll over-give to you so you’ll need me and love me

I don’t believe in my own worth so I’ll fix you

I put everyone else’s needs above my own

Men don’t commit

Men aren’t faithful

Men aren’t attracted to smart (powerful, successful…) women

So if your Love Radar has “men don’t commit” programming, guess what type of man you will attract?

If your Love Radar has “I don’t think I’m very attractive” programming, how will you attract a man who is attracted to you?

I think it’s pretty clear that you have to figure out your current radar algorithms

  2.   Get very clear on what you want your Love Radar to detect.  Write a description of some critical components of your “target”.  Be sure you focus on the most important aspects.  While I recommend that my students and clients develop detailed lists of what they desire in their partner, for this exercise, I only want you to focus on the most important aspects.  Here is an example of a Love Radar program from one of my clients:

My Love Radar points toward a partner who is ready to share his life, ready to commit, loves to have fun and laugh together and values our individual time and growth.  He is kind and caring and willing to hang in there and navigate the tough times to mutually heal our past traumas.  He is family-oriented and health-focused.

3.  Figure out what thoughts and beliefs will lead you to that partner.  In step one, you identified what your current Love Radar looks like.  In step two, you created a clear picture of who you want your radar to point toward. In this step, you have to figure out what changes need to be made to your current programs to send you in the right direction.  There are two main areas where you need to focus:  your beliefs about yourself and your beliefs about a potential partner.  Often the second one includes gender beliefs, such as “all men are controlling”, etc.

4.  PRACTICE believing those new thoughts and beliefs.  This step may require some additional coaching.  Some old beliefs are easier to turn around than other ones.  Next week I’m going to start a series of blog posts to help you get even more clarity on what beliefs have been pointing that Love Radar in the wrong direction (step one) and more tools to help you learn how to shift those beliefs (steps  three & four).

Are you ready to take some steps today to clean up your Love Radar?  If so, start with step one.  Let me know what current programs you’re uncovering by clicking the COMMENT button at the top.

Get the worksheet from step one

 

*Gender terms are used for illustration only.  Mr./Mrs., etc are not meant to exclude anyone as these ideas apply to EVERYONE!